


Apocryphal

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Arguing, Banter, Gen, Humor, Plot Twists, takes place during season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 23:58:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12852294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: House gives his 5 remaining interns/contestants a fictional patient to diagnose.





	Apocryphal

~ Apocryphal ~

Since they didn't have an actual patient right now, House had given the remaining five interns/contestants a patient history and list of symptoms he'd put together himself for them to work together and diagnose. After informing them that "There is definitely a single answer and this isn't some kind of trick," he'd given them two hours to solve the puzzle... while he took an (unauthorized) extended lunch break.

They were down to the last few minutes before their deadline and still couldn't agree on a single medical condition that fit the specifics they'd been given.

"It sounds like Hanahaki Disease," Kutner said.

"That's a fictional disease!" Amber protested.

"It's a fictional patient," Kutner argued. "All of the symptoms fit, even the psychological ones."

"Except that there was no mention of flowers."

"Of course not, since that would have given it away immediately."

"What in the fuck are those two even talking about?" Thirteen said quietly to the rest of her enemies/potential coworkers.

"I have no idea," Cole replied.

* * *

"So, what did you guys come up with?" House asked, seeming somehow both acutely interested in the group's answer and also very sarcastic about his own interest in said answer.

The group glanced at each other, none of them wanting to be the one to admit that they hadn't actually agreed on a diagnosis in the end. Finally, after a long pause, Taub spoke up.

"We think it's Stage 3 lung cancer."

"Ooh, so close... and yet  _so_  far away," House said. "It's Hanahaki Disease."

"That's a  _fictional_  disease!" Amber snapped, echoing her earlier argument.

To which House replied, "It's a  _fictional patient_."

"That's what  _I_  said," Kutner grumbled.

"Wait," House said. "Did he... actually bring up Hanahaki Disease during the differential diagnosis?"

"He did," Thirteen said. "Most of us didn't know what he was talking about."

"Interesting," House said, regarding Kutner with an expression that the others couldn't quite read but sensed did not bode well for him.

"What was the point of this exercise? To see if we would recognize some obscure fictional disease?" Cole asked, sounding entirely offended.

"Or to test our teamwork skills in the face of a potentially unsolvable puzzle?" Taub piped up, before House had a chance to reply.

"Actually..." House said slowly. "It was so I could find out which ones of you read fanfiction."

~end~

**Author's Note:**

> (quoted from Fanlore's definition) Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease where the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.
> 
> A/N: Fun, right? So House's little puzzle included all of the relevant details for early-stage Hanahaki Disease, without any mention of petals or flowers.


End file.
